The Day I Found Out My Dad Was Alive

How could my dad be an alive cunt?

Why couldn’t he be a dead cunt?

It would be easier to live if he wasn’t alive

How can I go on living knowing I’ve been fully discarded

Surely the dead find peace in being left to rest in the ground

Is that the only place I can find reprieve, while he continues to live?

A world where we both exist doesn’t make sense to me

I remain frozen in a time where he disappeared

Where his face began to blur

When the screams of my mother continue to echo within the depths of my psyche

When he told me you were disappearing and now it was my turn to step up and be the man he could never be,

At 10 years old, my future was taken from me before it was lived,

He’s the same man who stole my innocence from me

Before I was old enough to know what he was doing was created for two consenting adults

And not for destroying the hope of survival for a little girl

How could my dad be an alive cunt?

Why couldn’t he be a dead cunt?

It wasn’t perfect to live if he wasn’t alive

But to know he existed in the world while I lost my mind

And I died and rebirthed multiple times

To find a new way of existing each time

It would be easier to live if you weren’t alive

24 July 2025